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Gelderland | February 17, 2022

Muriel: 'From a good job at the bank to the Food Bank'

After her divorce from her husband, Muriel was left with a large tax debt and five children. Two stepdaughters are now adults and have left home. She now lives with her three sons, ages 16, 15, and 11, and her 14-year-old daughter. For three years, they were in debt restructuring and had to survive on 90 euros a week. Fortunately, the family is back on their feet.

Divorce, losing your job: poverty can be just around the corner. Muriel: “I had a good job at a bank but was declared redundant. I ended up at home with a good arrangement and was planning to retrain as a teacher. Then I found out I was pregnant, and the marriage fell apart. I couldn't find a job that was compatible with my large family. And I was stuck with a tax debt in my name. I didn't have it properly registered, which wasn't helpful. My ex refused to take responsibility, so I was left to foot the bill.”

Don't give up

Through school, Muriel met someone who works at Humanitas and who helped her. "Luckily, the debt situation was very manageable," says Muriel. It was just one debt. To get out of it, I went into debt restructuring. It was very tough, but manageable: after three years, I'd be free of it. Meanwhile, the six of us had to survive on 90 euros a week. What could we buy for that? We had to be constantly vigilant. Luckily, I had people around me who were helpful, or who, for example, had clothes for the children or offered us dinner. My parents were also incredibly supportive, but you have to be careful about what you can and can't accept when you're on benefits. I often lay awake at night, worrying about what would happen next. But every day was a journey toward a debt-free future. Fortunately, I could talk about it with my parents and family; we're very close. My friends were also supportive; they even admired how I was doing. I couldn't afford to give up because I had to take care of my children.

The first time I went to the Food Bank I felt ashamed

Living on 90 euros a week is a pretty impossible task with five growing children. Muriel: “I couldn't manage the money at all. My contact at Humanitas said, 'You just have to go to the food bank.' That was such a huge hurdle. I'd always had a good job at the bank, and then I found myself there. I did it because I really didn't know what else to do. I went there the first time, and it was so cozy. Every Friday evening we could pick up the parcel. The volunteers would provide coffee and lemonade—a real outing. At home, we unwrapped it like a Christmas gift, making it a party: what goodies are in it this time? I talked about it with the children later. 'We weren't poor, were we?' was their reaction. Apparently, they never suffered from it themselves. I consider that a compliment to myself. The most difficult thing about poverty was having to say no so often to the children.”

Keep participating

Being able to play sports and exercise was important for the children, and they always had access to it. "Our children were in clubs from a young age. They could play football before they could walk," laughs Muriel. "Aalten has a good poverty policy, and there's a 'Participation Pact' that includes the Youth Fund. Richard Jongetjes He told me about the Youth Fund and applied for it for me. This way, my children could continue playing football and dancing. My sons play football at a high level; my 15-year-old was even selected for the Dutch Juniors and plays for De Graafschap. My daughter is into hip-hop and is also in a squad that performs all over the country. I only go to my sons' home games, with my father, because I don't have a car. Away games are too expensive. Luckily, my sons can take the football club vans to away games.

The tax debt has now been paid off, and the family is out of debt restructuring. “So wonderful. I'm back in control; I'm no longer dependent. That control over everything you do and leave in your life was tough for me. You're constantly having to take the fall. Being accountable for everything. I've learned how important it is to stay active and involved. I've always done a lot of volunteer work.”

Giving something back

Muriel now works in home care. She's also a civil registrar and performs weddings—"my hobby job"—and volunteers for initiatives that support people in poverty. Her message to other parents: "Talk about it. Don't be ashamed. I also felt ashamed, like that first time at the food bank, for example. Really: talk about it! No matter how hard it is sometimes, just say something if you can't afford it. I received support from unexpected places. For example, during Sinterklaas, a bag of presents suddenly showed up on my doorstep. I still don't know who it was from; it still makes me tear up. But people need to know that you need help. Poverty can happen to anyone. I do think the taboo is starting to fade. And you know, you don't just hold out your hand; you can give something back later. That's why I volunteer for several projects to help people in poverty. I needed that help once, but now I can give something back."